Love and the Brain

This is a great article. First published in the Courier-Post

Survival of the Nurtured
Driving Lessons
Lu Hanessian, CherryHill 6:03 p.m. EST January 21, 2016

Once in a while, we need a phrase to get right to the heart of the problem. Something that grabs our attention, makes us stop and take stock. A catch-all phrase that acts as a container clarion call to action.

“We are not the survival of the fittest, we are the survival of the nurtured.”

These are the words of attachment scientist Louis Cozolino.

How does this sentence sound the bell for action?

The last 20 years have given us 90% of the brain science findings we now know. It’s the tip of the iceberg. But it’s a huge tip, a tip that gives us a glimpse of how much more there is to add to the significance of what we have learned.

Five critical discoveries:

1. Neuroscience has shown us that love has real estate in the brain. Love lights up the right (hemisphere).

2. Brain scans and longitudinal studies have revealed that neglect, abuse and early chronic stress damages the developing brain and primes people for addiction, disease and premature death.

3. Lack of love shrinks the brain’s hippocampus. Neuroplasticity allows for some neural growth and rewiring, but the damage from early severe neglect and abuse may be permanent…however…

4. Attachment science tells us that it’s never too late to create a secure base in relationship. While we are wounded in relationship, it’s neurobiologically true that we heal in relationship too. Maybe we don’t always heal in the same relationship where the wound originated, but studies show that, through attuned, reliable emotional connection, we can grow the front of the brain, our pre-frontal cortex, which mediates empathy, trust, intuition, self-regulation, even morality.

5. Practicing sensitive and responsive communication, mindfulness and compassion (including self-compassion) change the nervous system, our chemistry and circuitry from an anxious, vigilant mode to a calmer, more connected state.

Trauma specialist Bruce Perry has often said, “States become traits.”

The science, we now know, is not unilateral, but interdisciplinary. Edward O. Wilson calls it “consilience.”

It’s no longer dualistic “nature versus nature,” but both nature and nurture. We nurture

When we actively, intentionally and consciously practice strong bonds, we nurture our nature.

Our collective nature.

That means that when we nurture our babies, our toddlers, our young kids, our adolescents in the varying degrees in which they need us, we ensure their survival and promote their health, their wellbeing and their longevity.

When we nurture our students, we enhance learning.

Nurturing is not coddling. It’s not quick fixes and helicoptering. It’s not avoiding struggle or shielding our kids from the pitfalls of life. It’s not about prevention of breaks, but perhaps prevention of a broken spirit. Prevention of hopelessness and despair. Prevention of self-hatred and self-harm.

Nurturing, then, is about preservation. Of heart. Of spirit. Of connection with self and others. Of perspective and hope. Of trust and will to grow and a yearning to thrive.

Survival of the nurtured is survival of the thriving.

Comedy Clinic?

Written by: Dave Berggren

You could say Stevie Ray’s Comedy Cabaret is one part theater – and one part hospital. That’s right, those of us who perform are more like doctors than actors. I mean, the pay is very similar.

Think I’m crazy? All you have to do is dust off the greatest book ever written. The Bible.

Flip to the book of Proverbs and it says, “a joyful heart is good medicine.” Some translations simply say, “laughter is good medicine.” There’s just something about a cheerful heart that can relieve stress, cure bitterness, and turn a tough day around.

It’s that time of year when kids go back to school, summer breaks come to a close and the busyness of life returns. And with it stress, frustration, and worry. Sounds like something a trip to the hospital can cure.

Take two shows and call us in the morning.

Great article about a company’s purpose


Go to the address below for a great Gallup article about a company’s purpose and how it affects employee engagement.

Customer Service Surveys Don’t Work. Here is Why.

This is from Peter Roesler, a contributing writer for the Business Journal newspapers.

It appears that retailers truly only have one chance to make a good impression. LoyaltyOne and Verde Group r eleased a study that found four out of five consumers who have had a bad customer experience don’t provide feedback, and only a small percentage will give retailers a chance to fix the issue.

The study of 2,500 U.S. consumers found that nearly half of consumers have experienced a problem when they shop, but only 19 percent of consumers will tell the retailer to give them a chance to address the problem.

Dennis Armbruster, VP and managing partner at LoyaltyOne, noted in a news release, “The results are a resounding confirmation that poor customer experiences have a considerable negative impact on shopper spend and attrition, which can run into the billions.”
Brick and mortar problems

The researchers noted some of the ways that these unsatisfied customers can cost retailers money. Among these silent shoppers, about one in three said they were unlikely to recommend the retailer to friends and family, putting these shoppers at risk of decreasing their spend with the retailer.

The study also found that customers who spend the most are the more likely to be annoyed by a negative experience. Shoppers frustrated by checkout wait times reported spending 23 percent more than the average mass retail customer.

Department stores should be concerned about the attitude their employees show. Shoppers troubled by an associate’s not-my-department attitude reported spending twice as much as the average department store customer.

For years I have told clients that surveys are an inaccurate way to track customer satisfaction. Not only are customers only interested in completing a survey if there is a reward, or if they are dissatisfied; but surveys also rely on a customer’s memory to relate the experience. Human memory is horribly flawed. A business is better off using first-hand observation.

Stevie Ray
For more, go to

Think smarts are enough? Think again.

Science has finally confirmed what many of us have suspected all along. A study that followed children from Kindergarten through adulthood discovered that intellectual skills such as math and science had less of an impact on overall success than social skills. Children who, early in life, were adept at sharing toys and communicating were more likely to be accepted into college and develop successful careers.
It should be no secret that social skills enable a person to manage the world around them to theirs, and others, advantage; but America’s over-focus on S.T.E.M. education has clouded over the social nature of humanity. Of course these technical skills are important, but abilities in managing people and communicating well have been relegated to the “soft skill” closet. Anyone who has been a manager or leader knows that soft skills are the hardest of all. Finally, research catches up to intuition and experience.

Great Article about Customer Service

The below is by Philip Krim, CEO of Casper

There’s no shortage of endearing customer service stories — the hotel chef who flew to Singapore for special ingredients, the airline that went out of their way to let a grandfather say goodbye to his grandson or the retailer that organized a small army to recover a diamond earring from the store’s vacuum cleaners.

But these happy ending stories don’t always happen in the customer-service world. There are also the nightmare tales – Time Warner ‘robocalling’ a customer 153 in a year and Comcast changing a customer’s name to an offensive term are just a few. Don’t be these companies.

Here are four customer-service mistakes your company may be making and how to correct them, so you can be on the path of providing a memorable experience for customers, rather than an awful one.

Related: 3 Ways Successful Entrepreneurs Build Outstanding Customer Experiences
1. Customer service keeps different hours from your customers.

Just because most people work 9 to 5, doesn’t mean your customer service team should keep the same schedule. If your phone and chat lines are open strictly during normal business hours, you’re operating under the belief that you expect customers to take time out of their busy work day to call you to solve a problem. It’s inconsiderate and inconvenient. Stagger your customer service team’s hours to provide a convenient and realistic range of service availability to those calling and live chatting — and make sure to maintain weekend time.

The easier you make it to get in touch with you, the more they will enjoy an engaging and memorable experience.
2. You’re not obsessed with social media.

People are busy — really busy — and social media is an easy, quick, and direct point of contact with your company. And if your company doesn’t realize this and isn’t “on” all the time on social media, you are making a huge mistake.

Reply to customer-service questions through your social channels promptly. Train your social-media specialists about the ins and outs of your product or service and maintain easy communication between your social and customer-service teams for fast problem solving. The faster and more efficiently the interaction is, the quicker you can reply with an accurate and helpful answer.

One way my company, Casper, a mattress startup, stands out is by literally being on all the time. We even share our #linksomnia reading series with night owls. We also occasionally tweet free coffee to people in need of a midday pick-me-up.

When your customer-service team focuses on social media, you set the stage for creating unique experiences — proactively balancing support and community. Make sure you share powerful and energizing content, surprise and delight customers and chime in on relevant conversation to show off your brand’s personality. Make sure your customers feel special, and your customer experience, brand and consumer advocacy will strengthen countless times over.
3. You think robots can replace people.

Most people press “zero” the second they call a service line to connect directly with a human being. Don’t do this. Customers want to communicate with a person, not a pre-determined flow-chart of scripted answers — and certainly not a robot. An automated response should always be your last resort.

Train your team to know your product, company, brand and voice inside and out. Turn them into users (in our case sleepers) of your product or service. Trust your team to communicate clearly, efficiently and with a little bit of their own personality and experience to solve problems and be brand advocates.

Related: How to Deal With a Difficult Customer-Service Conversation

At Casper, all our employees sleep on Caspers, providing first-hand accounts of how a Casper feels. We also maintain organized time slots throughout the day for the team to rotate between calls, live chats and emails. We allocate extra hands to be on standby to avoid any lines that may form with customers calling in.
4. You treat it like ‘just another call.’

For a majority of your customers, this will be their only interaction with the company. This short conversation may be the one point of direct contact with you as a company, so don’t treat them like they are just a number, another call in your day.

Instead, treat each customer as the most important call (or tweet, email, chat, etc.) your team takes all day. They have taken the time to contact you to provide feedback — good or bad. Listen carefully, empathize with the caller and work quickly to provide any solutions or further information you can. Do everything for your customers that you’d want done for you if the roles were reversed. For instance, at Casper, we call UPS on a customer’s behalf to resolve shipping issues and send airbeds to those who might be stuck sleeping on the floor due to a snowstorm.

It’s important for a customer to hang up the phone after having a personal interaction with your team feeling like you not only helped them in every way possible, but also like they made a friend — someone they’d be delighted to talk to again if the need ever arose.

You don’t have to greet someone at the airport, or provide endless refunds in order to have decent customer service. But you do need to provide a service that resonates as one they want to shout about from the mountaintops. Personal interactions stick. A two-minute conversation can often leave an impression that lasts longer than a great ad campaign. By going the extra mile, you have the power of a strong base of consumers who would recommend you, and your memorable product, any chance they get.

Sorry, Not My Department

By: Stevie Ray

Click Here to download the video version of Stevie Ray’s nationally syndicated column in the Business Journal Newspapers.

The little red light kept blinking. The screen on my office phone read, “Messages Waiting.” When I dialed the code to retrieve my voice-mail, however, the nice female computer voice said, “You have no messages.” After a few rounds of trying to clear the system by entering my security code, age, Zodiac sign, and date of my last Diphtheria vaccination, I tried calling the modern-day equivalent of the maze at the Minoan Palace at Knossos; the customer service help line. I have found the phrase customer service to be an oxymoron when dealing with the call centers of most large organizations. After being told for twenty minutes by a recorded message that I was first in queue (it doesn’t matter if you are first in line if you can still read War & Peace while waiting), I finally got through. The first thing the lady told me was that, since I bundled my services with their cable company, I was a preferred customer. I resisted telling her what I preferred to do with their service. When I told her my problem she said, “Oh, that’s a business account. This is the residential service. You have to call a different number.” So much for being a preferred customer.

I called the business service number she gave me and waited on hold for 57 hours. This guy said, “This isn’t the business service number.” I said, “But this is the number the other lady gave me.” He said, “Yeah, they give the wrong number a lot. Here is the number you have to call.” The question in my mind was, if the other people give the wrong number a lot, why doesn’t this guy do something to stop that? When I reached the new number they told me that, even though I have a business, since I have my office in my home I am classified as a residential account. I would have to call residential services. The number I called in the first place.

Now you might be saying to yourself, “I’m glad my company doesn’t operate like that.” Let me assure you that, unless you are a one-person operation, you are at risk of someone in your company saying, “Sorry, that’s not my department.” Any time this phrase is used it is a sign of three problems: 1) the company is so rule-bound that employees are afraid to step outside their role to serve a customer, 2) there is no cross-training, making employees unfamiliar with any part of the process other than their own, 3) the focus is on individual functions rather than the big picture; serving the customer. When I finally got someone on the phone who cared more about solving my problem than just doing her job, she said something remarkable, “I’m going to stay with you until this is solved.” She didn’t burden me with whether the issue fell under her job description, she was only concerned with making sure someone who was having trouble got some help.

Take the case of Werner Tarnowski. He was appointed to manage the Stuttgart office of Scandinavian Airlines in the 1980s. At the time, customer service scores were low and employee engagement poor. Werner decided that refocusing everyone on their jobs wasn’t the answer. It was the problem. If a passenger asked a ticket agent or gate attendant about a special meal request, no one knew the answer. By the time the passenger got on the plane, if there was a problem it was too late to do anything about it. What Werner did was to flatten the organizational structure at the Stuttgart office. He trained all employees to know, at least to a certain degree, what every other employee was doing. If a passenger asked a question, the employee would either know the answer or know immediately who to ask. Passengers began seeing issues handled on the spot. Not only did passenger satisfaction scores go up, but so did employee engagement. Employees don’t want to just do their jobs, they want to accomplish something. Even though employees may not want to do someone else’s job, they like to know how their work contributes to the big picture.

With my voice-mail problem, for instance, the instructions I was finally given to correct the problem were not specific to a business or residential account. The instructions could have come from anyone, if the company had taken the time to provide a modicum of cross training. Companies often avoid such cross training because of the time and effort required, but think of the amount of time wasted by employees shuffling angry customers from one department to another and the scales balance very quickly.

Got to go. My phone in blinking, so I have messages waiting. At least, I think so.

Stevie Ray is a nationally recognized corporate speaker and trainer, helping companies improve communication skills, customer service, leadership, and team management. He can be reached at or

This article was originally written for The Business Journals. You can find Stevie’s other articles HERE.

How Customer Loyalty Programs Really Should Work

By Stevie Ray

Customer loyalty programs should be renamed. They should be called, “Our employees don’t know how to be nice to you, so we have to give you gifts to keep you coming back.”

Like most people, I am a neighborhood shopper. I go to the same grocery store, bank branch, pharmacy and gas station every time. Since I have been in my neighborhood for more than 13 years, you would figure that I am one of the more familiar faces for the employees.

But after all that time, the only place where I’m greeted by name is by the guy behind the counter at the gas station. The place where you would expect the surliest and briefest of encounters actually gives me the most joy.

After one visit, Ray (the regular afternoon guy), said, “Have a good day Steve. Are you going to Chicago to visit your wife’s family this weekend?” My wife asked me, “How does he know your name? And how does he know I am from Chicago? And how does he know we go there some weekends?”

“Simple,” I replied. “He asks me.”

Finding the Blame

My bank has great customer reward programs. They will deposit $25 into my checking account if I refer a friend who opens an account there. Wow. All I have to do to earn $25 bucks is to turn my friends into referral tools. I’m sure that will make my friends cherish our relationship all the more.

Now the tellers at the window and loan officers sitting at their desks don’t have to know who I am, or treat me like someone who has been coming in once a week for longer than some of them have been alive. That $25 takes care of it all.

When you treat people like that, they feel like cattle. First, they think something is wrong with themselves, then they think something is wrong with you.

For example, I was in my backyard doing some spring planting. I noticed my next-door neighbor Joe putzing around in his backyard so I said, “Hey, Joe.” He didn’t respond. He didn’t even look up.

Being human, my first response was to internalize. I thought, “Did I do something to upset Joe?” I ran through my memory for the entire winter, trying to think of what I could have possibly done to make Joe completely ignore me. I couldn’t think of a thing I had done, but I was sure I must have done something. I convinced myself that he must have not heard me.

So I waited the appropriate three minutes and said again, “Hey there, Joe.” This time I added more cheerfulness than was called for. Nothing. Joe didn’t even look up.

Now is when we go from internalizing to externalizing. “What a jerk,” I thought. “The least he could do is wave.”

First, something was wrong with me, then something was wrong with Joe. I found the proper place to lay the blame; all was right with the world. I kept glancing over at Joe while I continued my work. I made sure to look when Joe was turned away, I didn’t want my paranoia to be obvious.

Finally, I noticed two little white wires drooping down from Joe’s head to his pocket. And his head was nodding in rhythm. He was wearing earbuds and listening to music. When he looked up and saw me he gave a big smile and a wave. I waved back, feeling like an idiot.

Business Implications

Translate that scenario to your business. When people visit your organization over and over throughout the years and are still treated like they are complete strangers, first they think there is something wrong with themselves, then they think there is something wrong with you.

When they reach the stage that something is wrong with you, a $25 reward isn’t going to mean squat.

Ray at the gas station treats me like you would actually treat a loyal friend — remembering my name, remembering things that matter to me, giving a genuine “glad to see you” smile instead of a “this is how I was trained to smile” — I go out of my way to give him my business.

The rest? If another store opened that was a few cents cheaper or a few blocks closer, I will treat them like they have treated me: like I don’t even know who they are.

This article first appeared in The Business Journals HERE

Trick Your Brain Into Success

Trick Your Brain Into Success
Stevie Ray

People who are about to face a stressful situation will often get advice from others. Some advice is solicited, some not; some helpful, some not. Luckily, brain research has begun to catch up with old Aunt Edna’s sage wisdom and it has provided some useful tidbits when facing a mental or social challenge.
For instance, we have all heard the old adage that, when you are about to deliver a speech and you are hit with stage fright, just imagine the audience in their underwear. I don’t know who first thought of this trick, but not only is it completely ineffective, but it borders on creepy. More importantly, it actually takes the brain in the opposite direction of being able to deliver a great speech.
The trick to overcoming stress and ensuring a successful outcome is to activate the parts of the brain needed in order to meet the challenge. Imagining an audience in their Underoos distracts the brain from the task at hand and inhibits the kind of thinking needed to present well. Instead, just before taking the stage you should imagine with as much detail the last time you gave a really successful presentation. If you take the time to recall the situation in rich detail—the image of the stage, the smell of backstage, the warmth of the room, the sounds of the audience—your brain will engage positive memory activities, helping you stay mentally sharp. Also, remembering positive situations from the past causes the brain to assume that the best is about to happen again; greatly increasing your chances of success.
Distraction is a great technique for overcoming negative or obsessive thoughts, but that is about as far as the technique will take you. For true positive control over your thoughts, you must make a conscious effort to link happy outcomes from the past to lay the foundation for positive outcomes in the future.

Want to be a leader? Military and sports analogies don’t fit.

This is going to sound a bit cranky, but I trust it will be taken in the spirit intended. I am tired of hearing leadership and team work lessons from the military, sports, or from people who have survived horrible disasters. The most notable example was when the business world latched onto Ernest Shakleton’s Arctic Expedition in the early 1900s. When his ship was crushed by shifting ice, Shakleton led his men to safety by surviving over a year in the Arctic. Make no mistake, this story is one of great heroism and self-sacrifice, but I challenge any manager to translate the lessons of Shakleton’s voyage to the daily task of keeping a working group motivated and productive.
The same holds true for lessons from the military. Again, make no mistake that I hold our men and women in the armed forces in the highest regard, but teamwork in the field is quite different than teamwork in the office. In the military, and for Shakleton, teamwork has one goal; stay alive. The laser focus of survival, of keeping every team member at your side and breathing, allows one to forget petty disagreements and personality clashes. That is neither the kind of workplace we should strive for, nor one that would produce lasting results.
Sports analogies are also worthless in the workplace. All you hear is how “teamwork helped them to victory.” Duh. We understand that if one basketball team has five players on the court and the other has one, the team will probably win. But the world of sports is not creative, it is authoritarian. The coach creates the plays, the players each have one part to play. Any company or organization that followed this plan would not last long.
First of all, fear—whether for one’s survival or one’s job—creates a stress that only allows the brain to focus on one thing, eliminating the fear. This kind of stress cannot be endured for long, which is why managers have learned not to use the threat of firing as a motivating tool. Also, stress does not enhance creativity, it kills it. Those under extreme stress are always encouraged by leaders to “rely on your training.” This advice is effective for the military and for sports, where individualism is harmful to the team. For a working group, however, this atmosphere would quickly suffocate the company.
No one in a military unit would dream of harming a teammate, just as everyone on Shakleton’s team knew that their survival depended on the survival of everyone. In sports, the loss of a valuable teammate is obvious. That attitude, however, is not as easily maintained in day-to-day working environments. In some cases, the loss of a teammate can actually be beneficial to someone looking for an opportunity.
So now you’re asking, “So what? Why the tirade?” Simple. As leaders we must stop wasting our time by looking for simple analogies—military, sports, survival—to teach how us to lead. We have to dig deeper and work harder. We have to read, research, and challenge; not simply accept advice from people who hold a title. We must truly understand how people are motivated, not just what makes them want to survive.

Stevie Ray’s April Business Journal Column-“Don’t Interview, Audition”

Click here for a video and print version of Stevie Ray’s nationally syndicated column in the Business Journal Newspapers.

Improvising Business
Stevie Ray

Don’t Interview, Audition

Joseph, a director at a respected theatre was casting for the Shakespeare classic, King Lear and he was desperate to find just the right actor to play the part of Lear, King of Britain. Since this is the pivotal role of the play, Joseph needed to make sure the actor could not only handle the weight of the role, but would respond well if any glitches popped up during the performance. After posting the role on audition websites Joseph had two dozen actors eager for the role. He set up two chairs in the center of the stage and called in the first candidate, Nathan. Nathan took a seat and handed Joseph his resume. After reading over Nathan’s performance history Joseph said, “Well, it looks as if you have quite of bit of experience with Shakespeare. How familiar are you with the role of Lear?” Nathan thought for a moment and said, “I haven’t actually performed this role, but I think my experience in similar roles would make me a good fit.” “What work have you done that is similar to Lear?” asked Joseph. Nathan responded, “I played Duncan, the King of Scotland in Macbeth and Caesar in Julius Caesar.”
Knowing that teamwork is crucial in the theatre, Joseph asked, “If you were to have a problem with one of your fellow actors, how would you handle the situation?” Nathan said, “I like to speak to the other actor first, before involving any outside parties. If we weren’t able to resolve our issue, I would ask for a meeting with the stage manager. If that didn’t work, then I would speak to you about it.” “That sounds good,” said Joseph. “Now let’s deal with a hypothetical. Say you were in the middle of the second act of the performance in front of a sold-out house. One of the actors has forgotten his line, a line that is crucial in cueing you for your line, what would you do?”
The conversation went on for a while and Joseph, satisfied with all of Nathan’s responses, said, “It appears that you have everything we need for this role. I will speak with some of your former directors, but if they don’t have anything negative to say, the role is yours.” Nathan was surprised and asked, “Don’t you want me to audition?” “That’s not necessary,” said Joseph. “I think I know all I need to know about you.”
If you think this would be foolish way to cast a major character in a play, replace the scenario with a hiring manager and prospective employee and you have how almost every employee in America is hired. I believe that, unless you are psychic, interviews are a terrible way to learn about people. They are often just opportunities for the prospect to tell you exactly what you want to hear. Only in rare cases is a candidate foolish enough to say things that would show themselves to be lazy, uncooperative, or ill-suited for the job. And asking someone what they would do in a situation is a far cry from what they would actually do.
Auditions were instituted in theatre, music, and dance because it would be ludicrous to take someone’s word about their own abilities. Everyone wants the job, so of course everyone will say they are perfect for the part. If this is true for the arts, isn’t it true everywhere. I believe that interviews should be replaced with auditions, are at least both should work side by side. Once you have reviewed the candidate’s resume, you should be assured that he or she has the necessary qualifications for the job. Beyond that, you need to test real-world skills. That can only be accomplished by a real-world test. Scenarios should be created to test the abilities of the candidate. I have worked with many industries and found very few cases where an audition of sorts wasn’t helpful. Even if you are hiring an electrician to be part of a construction crew, you need to go beyond the candidate’s knowledge of wiring and code. Everyone needs to work well with the team, an audition for the electrician could involve putting him on a job site where he participates on a project. Other members of the crew would be instructed to throw curve-balls at the candidate—a surprise change in the blueprint, an uncooperative co-worker, the client shows up on the job site and isn’t happy with the work. Seeing how the candidate responds would tell the manager a lot about who he was added to his crew.
In one case, I was working with hiring managers to design auditions for security officers at a retail center. Any candidate for the job had to audition handling a frenzied mother who had lost her child at the mall, an unruly guest refusing to vacate the premises, and so on. Sure, candidates can put on their best face for an audition as well as for an interview, but an audition can be designed and performed well enough to push their boundaries, and buttons, such that it is a lot harder to fake their way through it. If you look at any job, there are unique skills and personality traits that can be exposed by an audition.
I certainly didn’t become a columnist for the Business Journal newspapers through an interview. Back in 1997 I sent in four sample columns for consideration. Luckily, I passed the audition.

Improvising Business

Improvising Busines by Stevie Ray

February 13, 2015

Column 272

“At least it wasn’t me” Is No Excuse

A major news anchor has recently lost all credibility. A beloved comedian and actor will never be seen in the same light again. Executives, politicians, journalists, and front-line employees have all lost their jobs, reputations, and sometimes their freedom because of one reason—they lied. But I am not going to talk about the liars themselves, I will instead ask, “What about the other people who knew about the lie and didn’t say anything?” Even though there are deceptions that are small enough that they can be committed in private, the kind of lies that wreak havoc are almost certainly of a shared nature. Heck, when a news anchor on a major network makes a claim that involves dozens of other individuals, you wonder why it took the lie being exposed on national TV before someone came forward to speak. Read more